I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
