I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
