whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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