Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Randomize
