Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
