I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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