I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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