You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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