i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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