Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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