I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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