meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
