When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
