trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Drake has all the answers
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
