Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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