there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I need a burrito and a hug.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
