um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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