i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
