tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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