Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
