I feel great
I just peed on a car
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
