I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
