I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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