I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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