dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
