areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
