Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
