you win again, gameday.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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