Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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