genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This house was built for laser tag.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We have started to decorate penises.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
