i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
