How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
