i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
