I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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