the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
