I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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