not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
