Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
