I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
