The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
well you can't waste a boner
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
