I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
