drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
