i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
