Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
