you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
