I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
