bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
