Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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