they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
