And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
